i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It's like God shit irony all over that family
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Found your dick twin last night
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Randomize
