Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
