I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
