that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
