I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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