dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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