I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
