I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You're breaking my sexual little heart
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
