I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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