The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
