I hate your face
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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