normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
