Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
