i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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