Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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