What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
