I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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