So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize