Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
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We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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