I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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