There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
