i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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