Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
