The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
