If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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