Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
