Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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