can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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