Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
