dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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