Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
