Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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