Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
