upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
