No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
