Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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