I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
