The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
