I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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