Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
