I think im going to throw up on grandma
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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