I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
