I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just blew my weed a kiss
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
