chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I love you. Go after that dick
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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