dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
