haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
