Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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