Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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