does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
