i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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