i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
