You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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