remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
