Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
