Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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