It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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