Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
